When Grief is a River

When Grief is a River it becomes familiar. From the babbling brook to the white churning rapids, we may not know exactly what lies around the corner, but we know our options. That is, until we don’t. Waterfalls plunge us into the depths with no thought for convenience or timing. Maybe today I don’t have time for melancholy. But ignoring the tug into the waters will only push us down further with no say in when we get to pop out the other side, down river, in much calmer waters. 

I recently lost a close friend and shortly after, a beloved neighbor. Both were too full of life to be gone so suddenly. One was young, one was old, but age doesn’t matter here. They were both generous, loving, and big-hearted people whose communities are rocked by the loss. 

If the pop-psych idea that 10, 000 hours makes you an expert, then I have far surpassed the point of expertise and grief. And here is what I have learned: Grief is inconsistent in its expression, but it is consistent in that it insists on your attention. Grief deferred brings greater pain when you least expect it- a waterfall with a churning base. If we give grief our attention at the time of loss, we get to come up for air far more often and with far more agency in the process. Grief has no recipe but there are tools and postures that lead us to still waters.

 If grief is knocking on your door, reach out to me, a counselor, or someone you trust to walk with you in the journey.